Once upon a time there was a pen and a paper, and maybe the starting of a fairy tale about to happen. The poor little 'maybe' wasn't as poor or inconsequential though. Unknown to many, the 'maybe' had the power to twist up stories - turn a fairy tale into a horror, a romance into a tragedy, a comedy into something dark and twisted - it had a power that not many really realized.
Then after that once upon a time, there came a time when I found the pen, and the paper, and decided to take a chance with the 'maybe' - you know I love it when things are awake and alive around me, not quiet and stagnant, the mark of boredom that I would rather shake up myself if nothing else.
As the 'me' started writing the story, I thought it would be fun to try out variations. Of me, my moods, my people, my friends, those I know and those I don't, those I may want to know and those I clearly do not. So many.......
And so I put my pen on paper and started writing. Started writing stories the way fairy tales are written, for aren't they the first stories we are told? The prince always comes riding on a horse, while I am supposed to be good and wait and wait and wait (and??). The prince apparently is the most amazing man (or guy) ever, and I am supposed to match up to him, or at least try. But wait, how do you know whose the prince, and how do I even know if I am actually the princess? What if I am the evil witch, the bad bad girl or woman who others are warned to stay away from. What if that is what I enjoy more than being the goody so-many shoes. It is still a choice I can make, isn't it?
Now, isn't that confusing? Ya, what am I going on about? And you're still reading it by the way ;)
I don't know really.... all I know is that right now, I am lost, absolutely lost. I lost my way some day like that, and ever since have been spiraling around, from cloud to cloud, from dream to dream, from night to another night and in between living through the days. I am happy, I am confused, I am angry, I am absolutely blank, and oh I am so so clueless.
Some of my masks say I am an efficient soul, that I manage a lot at once, that I am good, that I am horrible, that I am loving, that I am cruel, that I am forgiving, that I am vicious. Yes I am. I am all of that and 'maybe' more. I am the way I am.
And it's far too late now to change, not that I want to, or will.
So, where was I?
- Debolina Raja
And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" -
MJ Debolina Raja