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Monday, May 12, 2014

You Are A Mommy Now, So Please Forget Yourself!

How many times have I heard that? Let’s just say I lost count.

I am a mommy to two beautiful daughters, they are my world and they are my everything, and most of what I do revolves around how they will react to it or how it will affect them.

Please read that I wrote ‘most’ not ‘all.’

And that is exactly what this post is about. That, being a mommy, how can I have a mind of my own, a choice of my own, or an entity of my own, when I have kids?

Well sorry to break the bubble, but the reality is, even though I am a mommy, I am still a human being. Quite the rocket science kind of a statement, isn’t it? ;-)

Haha. I get it from so many people that it’s not even funny anymore.

There was a time when I actually started to believe that maybe I was being un-mommy like, that maybe I was setting a wrong example for my daughter(s) by being the real me, instead of following the norms and being how a typical Indian mommy should be like. (Yes, apparently, there are many variations on how a mommy should be.)

If you are a mommy in India, and you happen to have a strong personality of your own, chances are, everyone, right from your neighbour to your immediate family to your colleagues and some more can get quite concerned.

So in my case, there are many many reasons for these groups to be concerned. And I quite enjoy giving them so much fodder to chew on too ;-)

One of the most frequent issues that people seem to have with me is my tattoos. Yes, I do have them, and no, they are none of your business, nor is it a conversation starter to ask me how many I have, does my hubby ‘allow’ me to do all this, and (with that I-know-it-ahem expression) where are the other tattoos.

How I choose to wear my body and what I do with it is my choice, that’s why it’s called ‘my’ body and not ‘society’ body, right?

What I wear used to be an issue earlier, but has now almost died down, as I dress ‘sober’ which means muted. But trust me, even something as simple as a skirt is enough to bring out differing comments.

Who I talk to, what I talk about and at what time of day or night I talk to someone is one of the hottest topics that people have been concerned with. For me, the body clock works reverse. I have never lived in the US, but somehow, I am at my most awake best at night, and it is rare for me to fall asleep before 2:30 or 3 am, almost every single night. I just don’t seem to be able to fall asleep.

So it is obvious that if I am awake so late, and if some of my other friend(s) is awake too, I can happily chat with them, right? It does not mean that I am having an affair, it does not mean that I am cheating on my partner, it does not mean that it is only something secret that we are discussing.

No, it simply means that we happen to be awake at the same time, when most others are not, and are talking. And even if it did mean anything else, it’s really not your problem right?

Of course it’s also a big concern to know who I am talking to when it’s someone from the opposite sex. And if that person happens to be young and single, you will be amazed at how your own friends and family will start having big big big doubts and issues and go into damage-control mode.

I sometimes really feel sad for people like these, with such a tiny mind, how do they manage to actually exist? Well, it is true that miracles still do happen, right?

I am done with living my life on anyone else’s expectations, let alone society’s. I have but one life, it is almost a lot passed, and some day, just like that, I will cease to exist, maybe with ample warning, maybe all of a sudden.

Some will mourn me, some may shed a few tears, some may remember me a while after I am gone, but there will only be a few who will truly miss me for the rest of their lives. For them, I will continue to live in their hearts, in their very existence, for ever. And it is, maybe just those few special people, who don’t really mind about what I wear, or how I speak my mind, or who else I talk to.

Maybe for them, I am, in addition to everything else, me.

- Debolina Raja Gupta
And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja Gupta