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Friday, May 25, 2018

And you thought I am an outgoing person? :)

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on

And yet again, today, someone said they thought I am an outgoing person.

Keep in mind though that the said person and I have never really interacted, face to face, social media, no where actually. It was just a few times that we got to see each other within an office space, and that is all, and the only 2 or 3 times we said hello or sent a mail to each other, that too mainly on work matters.

Of course I hadn't really spoken, and these past few months, my problems with speaking to people and interacting face to face or even going out anywhere are at one of their worst ever...i have been trying to avoid all chances of going out anywhere for anything, and talking to anyone makes it a physical challenge for me.

I may be truly weird or the classic case of something not being right in the head, thankfully, as I feel that this not being right in the head is actually right for me ;)

But yes, yet again, made me smile and made me amused to think that apparently, I, the one who finds it so difficult to talk to people and interact in the real world was thought of as a confident and outgoing person..... :)

Thanks Soumen sir :)

- Debolina Raja


And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Goodness I need a rant!

If you said the same today or recently, please feel free to rant it out down in the comment section below :)

I need to rant!

I am such a not a social animal, and I am still learning the art of trying to be a little bit social and learn the art of diplomacy, a spelling I know and a meaning I know, but the practice of which eludes me.

I can't think and analyze and weigh my words and thoughts and then speak...I feel, I speak...simple.

Which means, most of the time it does not really please those who aren't quite pleasing me themselves.

I am going on and on yes, but you see, there is this really chronic case of me not being able to suffer fools or those who are pretentious, who behave as if they know all even if they are making a mistake, or those who try to judge without knowing anything about who you are, or try to tell the world what to do instead of minding their own business. I hate those who try to be nice in front of you when they need something done, and then will happily put you down in front of someone else to get another favour from them instead.

And I cannot stand those whose brains went for a walk and never returned....

The pressures of handling such creatures I tell you!

And I tell you and I rant!

Which means that I generally cannot stand most people, and am barely ever interested in knowing more people, and am happy in my tiny bubble wrap of a space, and in my kingdom of books and dreams and writing.....

Maybe I need to run away to the beach soon (and stay there?)

Want to rant out still? Go ahead and do it :)


- Debolina Raja
And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

- Debolina Raja

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Couple in Kolkata metro beaten up for hugging.. when will we stop the hate towards love?

In a shocking case of violence that took place inside the Kolkata Metro rail, a young couple were beaten up for apparently hugging each other!

I was really shocked and saddened ... To see the #cityofjoy turn into an unsafe place where people and the so-called middle aged educated men come down to turning street side gunda with no better agenda than to turn moral police.

The young couple was apparently standing together near the doors of one of the metro rail cars and were hugging, when an older passenger asked them why they had to hug inside a metro and that they should rather go and hug on the streets outside the paan shops in Park Street. To this the young man simply asked how their hugging was bothering others. This apparently offended the older men and as the train approached Dum Dum station, they dragged him out and started hitting him.

The poor young girl who was with the man tried to save him but was also beaten up, and finally rescued by other passengers.

It's a shame Kolkata and you showed that your so-called intellectual capabilities are turning out to be of no use.

This was a shameful thing you did, and I just hope the #kolkatapolice takes proper action and puts these miscreants in jail at least for some time, who move around in broad daylight under the facade of being respectable citizens.

Sadly, I have seen first hand how people in Kolkata are a little too curious about what's going on in someone else's life rather than taking care of their own. But this was truly a shame. Because for every such interfering soul, Kolkata has many more who are extremely sweet, loving and full of that welcoming warmth.

Whats wrong with you people? If your frustration isn't getting better, find other things to do instead of tarnishing the name and image of a sweet city...

I may not live there, I may be the outsider, but I surely love the city that holds my roots... So come on Kolkata, let's not get into #moralpolicing .. not you at least..

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

 Debolina Raja

Saturday, April 28, 2018

It's great to know happy people...and even awesome when you've never met but can still share positive vibes!

I don't talk to strangers generally, unless there's something really exciting about them and then I don't shy away from telling them about it.

Take it any which way you want - I have been judged as a good and bad person about this by different people, but that's alright...can't change myself at this age anymore, and don't even want to.

The thing is.....sometimes, you come across people who are just out there doing their own thing, good and everyone of course has some bad in them too, but it's normal after all, so this person has been spreading a lot of good vibe to a lot of different people......and I happen to be a tiny organism in that list of beings....

Sometimes when you can simply pick up the phone and message ... "hey, did you do your supposed walk today or not? Remember your weight loss and becoming healthy goal?" and that person replies back by asking you to really get lost and die somewhere but also sends you good wishes, that's something that tells you that it's always nice to bump into happy positive matter how and when that happens...

This one's for you - Rocky tera naam...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Friday, April 27, 2018

I am surprised you all read what I can't stop writing...but thanks for being around.....

Really, I am really surprised that you all do come over to read me, to see what all goes on in that random mind of mine, the depths of which I still haven’t reached yet.

The other day, I was really thinking it is strange how I have always had a problem talking to people in real life. I feel no body would want to listen to me really, or that they would constantly judge me on how I am and what all I lack.

I battle so many demons all the time. Demons that tell me I need to improve the way I look, the way I am, my life, my work, my love, my thoughts – so many different views and so many different minds.

And all I do is try to run away from them all, from it all, in my own silly ways. Maybe that’s why I come across as someone I am not, I am not a snob, I am not full of myself, but then again, when people get that impression about me and stay away, I feel relieved they won’t come close to me and judge me.


Worse still

They won’t come close to me and then leave

And leave me waiting and thinking and distrusting trust again…

Something is wrong today I guess, I can’t stop writing, I can’t stop the words….I guess I just had to reach out to you all, whoever you are who is sitting somewhere in some part of this beautiful big earthy home of ours and reading what all I am writing out here to share….

Thanks for still being around ……. 

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Did you ever feel loss, or the fact that you missed out a part of you?

image - Pinterest

That time when life slipped by I guess, through the fingers that tried to hold on to something too hard, and with too much belief.

That belief that maybe sifted through the droplets of dreams that came cascading down the eyes

The eyes that dreamt so many truths

The truths that just never seemed to match their dreamy counterparts

The countertops that missed those mornings that were full of those happy promising dreams

Dreams of so much

So much lost

Lost to the time that came and went away too soon maybe, in a flash, when all you wanted to do was hold on to it

Maybe I held on to it too strong

But maybe I will never stop holding on to it, whether it chose to be with me or not……..

- Debolina Raja 

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Really? Where did all the time go by? And when???

image source

What a beautiful painting! And interestingly, it pretty much sums up what I am doing right now. I have my cup of tea right here next to me on the work desk, I am sitting near a window, and I am thinking just the way she is....reminiscing, brooding, wondering....

It's been so long I came back here to share my thoughts, all the many jumbles going through my head, always making a mess of sorts that still makes sense out of the senselessness.....

A few days back, I was wondering where did it all go.....all those years, those times that seem to have flown away, the many months and years I had measured out for myself, when I would do this, do that, achieve this and more, go here there and so many more places that I am yet to explore, know the meaning of love joy happiness bliss, learn how to reach my dreams and kiss them and keep them and make many things I had planned....

And where are they? Those moments, the years those times? That were supposed to be with me? How did I lose them already in this mad race?

And how did I suddenly turn 37 (almost!) ???

How how how?????

For me, in my head, I am still that young girl, still with those dreams, still working and waiting to reach there and find that peace, that happiness.....

It will happen one day, for sure.....

But whoa.....I did grow up fast!!!! Not really scary, but just still dazed .... kind of......

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

 Debolina Raja

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Only in my present....

Image source: theodysseyonline

i can love you and be with you only in my present tense,

for every day that i live,

from now,

will be my present

my 'i am'

and you will be my 'present' to me

my present

till my future is past,

and done with....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Ola Cab Driver Harassment Complaint, Kolkata Police Did Not Help Me

My one and only worst experience in Kolkata - now all I want to do is leave the city and go home. And since the man did not hurt me physically, I have no right to complain I guess..

Here is a very disappointing and unhelpful issue that I have faced with the Kolkata police kolkata_police Kolkata Police today, and I am sharing this on social media to say that despite my strong belief in the police system, I have been badly shown the door on something that concerned my mental peace and harassment issue. I am disappointed with the Kolkata police, and doubt I will ever have any faith in their work.

I booked an Ola Prime cab Ola Cab Kolata Olacabs on the 3rd of June 2017, Saturday, from the Spencer’s Mall in Rajarhat, Kolkata, to go home with my parents and kids. The ride time, which was a mere 10 minutes, was enough to ruin my entire month long vacation in Kolkata.

The car number is WB04G1636, a White Swift DZire and the name of the driver, who also seems to be the car owner, is Arghya Banerjee.

The first thing I had a huge problem with was the horrible stink of cigarette smoke in the car. Unfortunately, at that time, there was no other cab available, neither the local cabs or from any other service provider. I entered the cab and asked the driver if he was smoking. He replied casually that it was a passenger. I told him he should have made sure the smoke was gone and the car smelled clean, before taking on new passengers. He did not answer or pay any heed. We sat down and were waiting for my mother to get in the car, but even as she put one foot inside, he started the car and moved, as a result of which my mother fell down and got hurt. I lost my mind and asked him ‘’what the hell did you do?’’, to which, the man gave me a look and a smirk, barely for a few seconds, looked at my mom, smiled and said, ‘’oh sorry, I didn’t see.’’ And that was all he had to say about it. I ignored everything and we reached home.

As the trip came to a stop, I told the driver to call up the customer care as I wanted to complain about him. He asked me what I wanted to complain about, and as I got out of the car, I told him I would not pay him till I told about his unprofessional and rude behaviour to the Ola team concerned. The driver looked at me, called from his phone, and handed it to me, to which I said I would take the call once an executive was on the line. To which, he held up the phone to my face, and disconnected the call. I asked him why he did that and he said that Ola customer care never takes the call, so it is useless. Then he told me ‘’you must have a smartphone, so go home, go upstairs and call them from your own phone.’’ I was furious by now, and told him alright, now you may please leave, I will make the call from my phone and handle it myself.

The man came out of the car then and stood up, asking if I would not pay. I said I would not pay him because the way he behaved with us and the kind of service he provided was not worth even a rupee. He started coming towards me, saying I was lying and pointing his hand towards him. I told him to stay away and not come near me, and to leave immediately and not contact me at all.

He left.

I immediately called the Ola customer care and the call was answered within a minute. I explained and my complaint was registered. I was assured that this would be dealt with seriously. I was satisfied. This was around 7pm and I thought things would be sorted.

I received an sms at 1:20 at night, from the driver, Arghya Banerjee, on my phone. The message read ‘’Thanks for not paying the 186…god bless u.’’

For many, this may be just a message, but for me, this was a gross violation of my privacy by a man who had clearly misbehaved with me just a few hours ago, whom I had been very uncomfortable with and who I had clearly told to not contact me at all. I felt scared and unsafe, especially because he knew my home, he knew about my kids, and also because I will be traveling alone a lot in the coming few weeks here. I started feeling so scared and uncomfortable that I could not sleep again, and went to the police station in the morning.

The Ola team called me and I told them that I was at the police station. They told me to complete my formalities and that they would call me back in the day.

I went to the Rajarhat police station, which is situated on the 91 bus route. I think it says Bidhannagar police station. I explained everything in detail to the cops, showed them the screen shots. They wrote the details down on a notepad and told me to wait for one ‘mejobabu’ – a higher official.

Once he arrived after waiting for 30 or 40 minutes, I had to explain everything again. The man looked at me and told me that at the moment there was nothing they could do, as he had not really done anything and so they could not take any action in ‘anticipation.’ I told him that all the ‘action’ I was asking for was a phone call to the driver, to tell him never to call me or message me or get in touch with me in any way, or contact my parents either. This cop told me that he understood, but instead of doing anything now, they would wait and if something happens in the future and this man does something, then I should immediately call them and they would help. I asked him if he meant that I should wait for something bad to happen to me, and only then they would help, to which he said that I very well understand what all this means, and that from now on I should be careful, and if I see the man anywhere or if he contacts me again, then I should inform the cops.

I was shocked. And honestly, I felt all this big talk that the cops have to say about protecting people is just a joke.

I did not agree to this at all. I refused to go home. So now the cop told me to go back to the earlier cop and tell him whatever problem I had.

I went back to the previous cop and told him, and I said I needed them to call the man and tell him not to bother or contact me, and that only then I would leave. The cop looked at me and said okay, I will do what you are asking me to do. He called the man and asked him to come to the police station. Once the call was over, I told the cop that I did not want to see that man again, nor did I want anything to do with him, so could the cops just tell him not to get in touch with me and that is all I was asking for, and my intention was not to torture him either.

Next, this cop asked me if I had paid the man. I said of course not, I have not paid, and I also mentioned that Ola is aware of this and I am not going to pay. The cop told me that I should understand that I was taking advantage of a poor man and robbing him of his hard earned money, that I should at least pay him because he did drop me home in his car. I was really shocked. I asked the cop, are you concerned so much about him that our safety does not matter? Do you want to just call him here and get him his ‘due’, and then he goes back home? To which the cop told me yet again that I should reconsider my decision and at least pay him.

I refused.

The cop then tried to convince my father, who had accompanied me. He said he would call my father the moment the man reached the police station. My father agreed to come, and the cop kept telling my father that we should reconsider and pay the dues. When I said I wanted to take a screenshot of the complaint they had noted down, he refused. He said in that case, sit here and fill in all the paperwork and do everything through the proper channel, and then I could get a copy. I said I just want to click it as I was supposed to send it to Ola, but he said then sit here and do all the paperwork and get into all the details of FIR and everything that comes along with it, and then take whatever copy you want.

I thought I was doing everything through the proper channel already, going to the cops and being honest and showing proof, and putting my faith in them. But today, in my first ever visit to Kolkata, I am feeling let down, alone and really really helpless. Honestly, at this point, I want to go back and not be in this city, or meet anyone or go out anywhere, especially alone in a cab.

Kolkata police – you did nothing for me. Maybe you will now try to get in touch with me and intimidate me or scare me or make my remaining few days here miserable, or maybe you won't do anything at all, but the fact is, I am done. I will not sit and say okay to everything, especially when you have no concern for someone's privacy and safety...

And like I always believe in and say:

"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

An Empty Heart Is A Scared Heart, A Scary Heart

Would you ever
Know what it means
To hold on to a feeling
That is so like love
That is so like magic
That is so like that something special you were looking for
Waiting for
That is love actually
The one you thought wouldn’t exist for you

And then be shown the cruder side?

The side that calls you names
That tells you you are not good enough
Can never be
That you aren’t trustworthy anymore
That all you do is a farce

Would you ever give your heart and soul
To the one you think you really love
That you know you really do
Want to be with for life
In heart spirit mind body and soul
Would you share your darkest secrets
Your past
Things you are ashamed of,
Things you are proud of
Moments you wish you weren’t alive
Moments you wish you could relive

And then be told you are just a sum of all those
Those mistakes you made
Those wrong paths you took
Those wrong moments you lived
That won’t be erased
Or won’t be allowed to be erased
Even though you came out to the right path
Even though you made a sunshine of memories

Would you hold on to it even then?
This disaster called hope?
This disaster called love?

Maybe yes
Truly yes

For the heart without the hope, without the love
Would be a scary heart

A scared heart

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Monday, January 23, 2017

Get A Hold On Your Life, Will You?

image source

Get a hold on your life

Open those fingers and let those memories slip by
Let out those thoughts and feelings that hold you back to the past
Frame by frame
Minute by minute
Thought by thought

Let out those tears and fears
That whisper in your heart and your mind and your ear
Each minute of the day and night
Let out the dark, bring in some of the light
Some, at least

Get a hold on your life

Figure out what you want and how you want it
All by your own, all on your own, without a help, without a hand
To not hold another again, to not crave a heart, to nurse your own heart by yourself, in your own quiet way
As you will
As you best can
As no one else can
As only you can

Put on those red lips and your best smile
Let your face and your day shine
At least for the world
For that matters a lot, doesn’t it?
To tide through the day and the night
And what may or may not be real, but surely helps to keep up the pretence
It’s best to do that, isn’t it?

Get a hold on your life

Put on that lovely dress and switch your work mode on
Drown yourself in work, kill your heart and your mind with it
To fill up all the spaces in your head and heart
To leave no room for thoughts and thoughts and more thoughts
No remnants of the past
No shards to pierce and wound

Nothing but that thing called life
That lets you not live it, and lest you not leave it
Be brave…you
You can do it
You can be brave
At least while you put on that face, right?

Who cares what you do buried under your pillow
Hiding under that sheet
Who cares?

You can do this, cant’ you?
You can get a hold on your life, can’t you?

Can you?

No….can’t…. cannot …. 

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Tales From The Lift: He Looks Like A Psycho!

image source

My #Talesfromthelift series seems to be getting quite popular, not that I mind ;)  Some time back, a friend of mine who also happens to be a reader told me that her friend was telling her about this funny Tales From The Lift series she reads, which is when both of them realized they were reading what this crazy woman here, aka moi, was writing about!

They were mystified with the #Liftman and were actually talking about him and having a good time. Imagine Lift Man's happiness when he finds out how many people now know him and know about him and his amazing antiques and his amazing level of irritability quotient...duh!!

Anyway, some time back, one of my friends who has read the series happened to have the honour of..... hold your breath......take a fleeting glance at....guess, not Lift Man, but Lift Man's brother! That also is some achievement.

And the first thing my friend had to say was - "Oh he looks like a psycho!"

hahahahhahaaaa.....let me take a moment here and do a ROFL caricature of me!!

So ya, in order to be fair to all those of you who have yet to behold this amazing spectacle of the creature called Lift Man's brother, if you remember Salman Khan's look in the movie Tere Naam, the brother sports exactly the same hair, but in a personalized style statement, he chooses to wear it longer, till just below his shoulders.

Ouchouchouchouchouchouch....... pardon me, I just remembered the visual from today morning when I again bumped into him, where else but around the lift!

So ya, this particular gentleman, our original Lift Man's brother, is no less a specimen, but I'll be nice and leave him at that. I have no issues with him yet, it is the original protagonist who gives me grief, which is why I chose to share his amazing stories with you all, and pass on the grief ;)

And you're still reading and have reached till here!??? Amazing.... now go get some sleep or rush out to buy some groceries wearing some fun shorts and vest, ya? Seeeeee youuuuuuuusssssss :)

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Girl About Town: Dancing The Night Away

image source

I had heard a lot about her even before I really met her. I had never spoken to her, but her voice had floated in through the phone conversations I would have with my friend, drifting in between snatches of our own conversations, like those small rays of sun that play hide and seek through those big leafy trees, right in the afternoon.

That day, as I entered the house, she was sitting right there. I wouldn't have suddenly recognized her, the signs were not that obvious. I knew she was petite, and young, very young. But I really hadn't imagined her to be so young, like a little pixie, short and frail, as if the slightest wind would be enough to derail her.

As my friend introduced us, I smiled, but her big smile had turned into a grin even before I had actually smiled mine. She came up to me and enveloped me in a hug, one that didn't even reach me properly. I am not huge, but in front of her, I seemed a different proportion of huge altogether.

We sat down facing each other, I was busy with my friend, while she was fiddling on her phone. I think she was waiting for an opening to start talking, but I really didn't know what to say, I didn't know about anything that we may have in common.

After a while, she got up and went towards the kitchen, and soon I could smell the aroma of fresh coffee being brewed. Nothing fancy, but it was still a warm heady aroma nevertheless. And as she came out with our cups, I thanked her all over again.

"I make really good coffee you know," said the tiny voice. And I smiled, nodding a 'yes.' How old would she really be? 16? 17? 18 at the most? Given a choice, I would have put her age at 16, but definitely not a day over 18.

Over sips of coffee, she was talking about all those things she missed now, things she left behind at home, things she left behind in her childhood. But she wasn't really complaining. She was reminiscing, talking about times that were, and telling me about times that are. She was talking about how as a child she would get fascinated with certain people and things, about the glamour she thought was associated with certain 'grown up' professions, how she and her friends would watch with wide eyes the grown-ups who would each day head out to work, and how they would talk about the future, giggling and dreaming.

She was also excited while talking about her life now. About her work. How she smartly handles clients, how the higher ups are happy with her progress, the camaraderie she shares with her fellow colleagues, the girly things they do at work, the banter, the laughter, the chit-chat, how she gets ready for work like a grown-up, makeup and clothes in place, ready for her shift.

How life is good and she is happy to have a nice home to live in, how she feels happy to see couples in love, and how she reacts when her colleagues or friends go out on dates or are with the loves of their lives.

How she reacts when the police arrives suddenly when there is a raid, how she gets really scared when she is hauled to the police station, how she keeps a calm mind and answers everything, how she assures the others that everything will be fine and that they should all be truthful in their answers, how she should not be scared but take it as another part of work, and manage it the best she can.

I had been to a Mumbai dance bar once, and even without realizing, I had begun to cry, silent tears wetting my cheeks, streaming down my face, even as my friends wiped them away. I remembered how I had hated every single man sitting there, whether or not he was ogling at the girls, girls who were barely into their teens, girls who, even after they grow up into real women, should never be looked at the way they are looked upon there, or should never be presented in life the way they are presented there. I remembered how I was told that many of these girls prefer this, because of the amount of money it offers, and how, many of those who are rescued or are given the chance to leave refuse to do so. None of that assurance had worked for me, and I had left the place with a promise never to go back again, never to go to that place that made me so claustraphobic, never to revisit that place that still gives me the nightmares. I hated that experience, and I wished no girl has to go through it, no matter what amount of insane money it has to offer. For those girls who are actually educated and have held good respectable jobs in the past and still do this for the easy money, I have no sympathy, I don't have one tear for them. But for those who don't have another option, I wish there was an alternative.

I remember how she reacted when my friend told her all of this, of my reaction at the dance bar. The tiny girl said - "Yes, I understand. You must never have been in this atmosphere no? You must never have experienced all this. It's not for you." And it was with the seriousness and the gentleness and the thoughtfulness she said all this that it touched my heart all over again. I could feel the tears brimming over, but I didn't want to cry in front of her, I didn't want her to feel I pitied her. Coz I didn't.

I was amazed at how such a tiny young girl could be so strong. At how she faced each night and day with such a smile and so much positivity. How she focused only on the good things in life that her limited and stifled world had to offer. I was amazed at the way she was talking about people who had found true love and how it made her smile, and I wondered if she would ever meet that person who would truly love her, and who would truly give her a life of love and happiness.

Maybe I am thinking too much, maybe I put too much into that one afternoon of meeting. I don't know...maybe.....or maybe not.....

Once we were done, she called her mother, telling her she was reaching home soon to meet her. And she was dying to meet her pets. And she told us she would be back later in the day, and asked us if she could keep anything ready for us to eat. She gave me a fake angry look when I told her I would be leaving, and wouldn't be back anytime soon. She hugged me tight, and with a smile and a wave of her pixie hand, left, with a bounce in her feet, her eyes glued to the smartphone in her hand.

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Friday, December 2, 2016

I'm Lost...I Think I'm Disappearing Somewhere....

Honestly, despite all the gyaan I keep dispensing and all the poetry I use to spill my emotions into, I am really really, really lost....

For some time now I really haven't been doing anything, except working and breathing to survive. I don't really eat that much anymore, maybe that's what happens when you hit middle age (what age is that supposed to be? Does 35 count as middle age?! goodness...the horrors then!!).... I've slowly and suddenly gravitated off food.....of course I'm happy about losing weight, and getting walks are proof that I'm not unhealthy.

I also kind of switched off drinks....and I never did have any colas, so I really am off...

Of late, there has been this gradual feeling of disappearing, of vanishing away somewhere.... poof.... now I'm here, now I'm one remembers me, no one misses me because I never was....

No, I'm not depressed, I definitely am not :) So all you lovelies who have earlier told me and messaged me to ask if I was depressed or in trouble, let me assure your wonderful hearts that I am fine, I will be fine....

I don't understand this feeling myself.....have you ever felt this way? I'm looking for some answers maybe, or some new opening into this jigsaw puzzle called life....

I'm really really lost....And honestly, I don't have the slightest clue of where to start looking....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Monday, November 21, 2016

That Underwear Ad I Don't Want To Watch: The Chaddi Thrust I Don't Want (All Puns Intended)

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*the above image is strictly for representation purpose

Okay, so most of you know I don't really watch any television at all, neither on the idiot box nor on any screen (phone, online, whatever). Yes the only TV I did watch was Roadies, but ever since the horrible and so amazing Raghu left, sadly, so did Debo, moi, leave as an audience. And there .... that was the end of my idiotness in front of the box.

And you can see I'm already rambling.

Point is, of late I did catch quite a few movies in the theater, and one thing that really irked me was this particular ad by an underwear brand that seems to be playing over and over again!!!! If you're a female, there are chances you're smirking at me, thinking something is really wrong with me. Trust me girl, there's nothing absolutely wrong with me, and my sizzle factor is always on full mode. Sorted? Okay, let me move on.

If you're a guy, you're probably agreeing to the fact that an underwear ad featuring men is so yuckies! You'd any day go for the ones with those voluptous ladies, and the condom ads with a certain sunnily placed female, right? Well, I actually think they are quite, ahem, right on point there ;) Don't get ideas please anyone. With due respect to everyone and all preferences, I still have my preferences straight, at least for this lifetime.

I don't honestly remember the name of the brand. However, the story features 4 menfriends who are thinking about that amazing childhood when they would dive into this water body and have fun, even as a helicopter hovered above and left, with the kids waving out and splashing about in the water. Cute. Till then.

Now, they have of course grown up to be 'men,' and hence their assets need to be shown off, beautifully preserved in this particular underwear. All 4 decide to meet up and yes, because as children they waved out to the helicopter, they are now the ones inside the helicopter, taking a joyride over the exact spot where they were frolicking in the water. Hmm, just wondering, what about those childhood trips to the zoo? Ever thought about going back and imitating a monkey outside the cage, I mean, you did do that as a kid too, no?

So the men are sooooo happy being there, and of course they have to dive and splash about in the water and whatnot. Very good. Do it. Done.

And then they emerge. And how. And let me take a moment to, no, not ogle, or faint with amazing sights, but to remove my eyes from the screen and realize how disgusting that emerging moment was!

Ohhh the shudders....

As a female who likes the other gender a lot, and has no minds to change her preferences in this lifetime, I absolutely found that chaddi thrust unnecessary and unappealing. I'm sorry to the models, but honestly, it felt as if the men were begging and saying "Look at me, I have big ones down there, pleeeez, one look, pleeeeeeez... If nothing else, pleeeez use that as a plus point to look at me."

You may have all the grey cells up there dude, but what that ad did to me was the absolute opposite of attraction. I understand if a female was to do that, like bobble up her goodies up and down in a lingerie ad (fancy na how this word immediately makes it sound better than an underwear), most men's eyes would shoot up to the moon and back (listen, I know you thought of something else shooting up too, didn't you, naughtiness quotient that you are!) ;)

But for me, this bobbing up of the bubbles down there just did not work. As a female audience who claims to have at least a teeny tiny amount of grey up there (don't even ask me of the latest hair colour I used after freaking out on the blo*$$#y new grey hair that appeared), I would really love to see an interesting piece (no, not of your asset) of ad that manages to keep it real and ogle-worthy, and not make me want to turn the other way and have a brain puke moment.

Do it boys to men, go make it happen! And the day I see that (the ad you perv!), I'll come back and talk about it too ;)

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, October 6, 2016

And Once Upon A Time The Genie Came.....

Once upon a time, there came a genie in a bottle, that debo decided to open.

But oops, debo had already quit alcohol, so even though she opened the lid and took a sniff sniff sniff, and treasured that one moment of whiff, she closed the lid back and sent it away.

Oh no debo, what did you do….dearie dearie me….

Gone was the bottle and gone was the once upon a time

Instead, debo waited alone,

Lost in a world of bubble wraps, from all those moments of dreamy escapades and runaways and whatnots, when retail therapy and diving inside paperbacks and listening to those clouds of music were all she did….and did a lot

Where the picture frames turned sepia with the pictures that were missing somewhere else

Where the poetry she started faded out into lines that got blurry, but were interesting, strong, feminine, beautiful and true, nonetheless

But horror of horrors

The genie she had sent away, and yet her dreams didn’t end

Or dreaming rather

And yet again, once upon a time,

There was a bug that debo found….not somewhere out there, but oh goodness oh….right inside her head

And there it was, the one that was the reason why she was the way she was, and why it was the best way for her, and most of those ways that your heart tells you are the best, are also the worst if you listen to your mind instead….but then again, this was debo….and she wouldn’t really listen to her mind…would she?

You know her, don’t you?

That mad madness of a girl, no woman, actually, the one who can never change, no matter what…

Who can never really stop the madness, that’s seeped into her pores, into her heart, into her dreams…and into her…that’s turned her what she is…and will be.

And if you don’t know her that well enough, beware….get away….for either she will love being with you and not let you go, or she’ll push you away or run away herself….your choice….

But by the way, whatever she does, she was, she is, she will remain….that once upon a time, that story that starts and maybe never finds an ending….the dream that begins, and keeps coming back, without shutting off the stories…

And if you really did reach all the way till here, then I send you a hug, coz I sure didn’t realize what I was writing….and my word bubble is still not full 

- Debolina Raja 

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

I Won't Be 'I Was', I'll Still Remain 'I AM'

And then that day I will fly

The more you break my wings

The more I will never cry

Touch the sky

Touch my dreams and come by

By your side yet again

To show you that you lost…oh, but yet again

And then you will try

To bind those feet and hands

But yet again as lines on fine sand

It’ll show up subtle

That message that came in a bottle

That said….

I am, oh yes, I exist, and I am

And no matter how hard you try

I won’t be ‘I was’, I’ll remain ‘I am’

Breaking me apart

Piece by lovely peace

Is a fun game of life we’ll play

You may try to win

But you’ll never be able to break me…

Yes, my dear, you shall see

Go…..stay happy

- Debolina Raja  

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

To The Love That Went For A Walk Somewhere

Someone asked me that day


When we fall in love

We fall with a passion that is unmatched

A love that can see no other

A heart that wants no other

A mind that can think of nothing else

A hug that needs no other embrace but that one

The one…


When we fall in love,

Do we give it our all

Do we give it our own self

Our heart our mind our body our soul

And more…

And yet,

There comes a day

When that love that was all

All consuming

All compassionate

All that was there to live for

Makes you want to stop

Stop living

Stop loving

Stop believing?


Does it make you want to hide

To run away to a place where no one else will find

That heart of yours that once loved

But now

Just wants to wash its hands off love

For ever

And a lifetime

So many dreams with open eyes

And when they are closed

Its dark

A welcoming darkness…..

Before a smile will come some day

Some day……

- Debolina Raja  

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Tales From The Lift: May I See Your Tattoo?

So this is the new tattoo I got and yes, it's a cover up tattoo, to remove all my scars and those memories I choose not to associate with any more, but to give me my new ones instead. 

And that is exactly why I did it. And yes, I know my earlier ones have been pretty dainty, and each one has a special meaning and story and each is special to me in its own way. And I know there will be more. 

But as yet again, it never ceases to amuse me the many reactions that I get from people, known and definitely random ones too, on seeing me sporting a, or, multiple tattoos. I love getting amused and I sure will love to keep on getting amused ya ;) 

So the other day I was waiting to pick up my kiddo from the school bus and was reading a book - Neil Gaiman by the way in case anyone is curious - and this lady was walking past. She did take a look at me reading (and I know this coz I was also looking around to check if the bus had arrived, in case you also thought I was just showing off my intellectual side by holding a book just like that ;) And then, just as she was about to walk past, she saw my big arm tattoo and then slowed down and gave me a look - a once over rather - looking at me from head to toe and then looking back at my tattoo (I'm assuming here that I do look good and she was dying of jealousy lol, that's why it's called wishful thinking haha)...... So yes, no surprises why she gave me 'THAT' look. And she finally walked away.

Coming back to why this story is part of my #TalesFromTheLift series, the same day I met my 'Lift Man' let me call him now - you all who've been reading about my Lift series know him pretty well by now - he's that regular lift creepo and frustrated d%ck of flesh that I keep talking about.

So yes....

I was waiting for the lift (what else) and Mister Frustrated Paunchy Soul makes an appearance. And sees the tattoo kind of, and says - "Wow, you got such a big tattoo? Did it hurt?" 

Those of who you know me like really well, like the non-sweet Debo who is just Debo, please read this with that expression you know for a fact I gave him back (and if you can't picture, there's a huge pic of me below, I am trying to show off my thin face here actually) 

So yes, I looked at him and said - "No, I don't cry with pain. Didn't hurt."

Lift Man: Can  I see it?
Me: No, it's personal.
Lift Man: But it's on the arm, how can it be personal?
Me: It's my arm

haha.....go get lost...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Chances For A Lifetime....And Beyond

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I'll be there whenever you dream me, I'll be there whenever you call
You can try but I'll never let you fall, for with you in my life, I'll have it all...

Craziness comes full circle to complete what you start
I don't know the 'how', I don't know the 'why'
But all I know is that it does speak to my heart...

Sometimes, giving it another chance seems just not right
It just doesn't work, and there's no more future in sight.

But sometimes, no amount of chances you take is enough
One chance, second chance, or chances for a lifetime
Some options are just too important to not take a chance at
Even if it's again and again and's the loop you want to stick at

Coz you cannot give up on it, it's something that's only your gain
When there's so much you're getting back, you'll want to do it over and over again

Shout it out, scream, hit out, lash out, get rude, get nasty, but do it
Coz the anger won't last, but the love will,
You will, I will, we will....

When you see the worst you know what you are in,
There's no more hiding, there's no more faking...

That is when it truly gets real, and that is when you know for sure,
That this is what deserves the chances for a lifetime, and maybe more, and yes, lots and lots more....

Yes, it truly does.....

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Debolina Raja

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Are You There In My 'Once Upon A Time?'

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Once upon a time there was a pen and a paper, and maybe the starting of a fairy tale about to happen. The poor little 'maybe' wasn't as poor or inconsequential though. Unknown to many, the 'maybe' had the power to twist up stories - turn a fairy tale into a horror, a romance into a tragedy, a comedy into something dark and twisted - it had a power that not many really realized.

Then after that once upon a time, there came a time when I found the pen, and the paper, and decided to take a chance with the 'maybe' - you know I love it when things are awake and alive around me, not quiet and stagnant, the mark of boredom that I would rather shake up myself if nothing else.

As the 'me' started writing the story, I thought it would be fun to try out variations. Of me, my moods, my people, my friends, those I know and those I don't, those I may want to know and those I clearly do not. So many.......

And so I put my pen on paper and started writing. Started writing stories the way fairy tales are written, for aren't they the first stories we are told? The prince always comes riding on a horse, while I am supposed to be good and wait and wait and wait (and??). The prince apparently is the most amazing man (or guy) ever, and I am supposed to match up to him, or at least try. But wait, how do you know whose the prince, and how do I even know if I am actually the princess? What if I am the evil witch, the bad bad girl or woman who others are warned to stay away from. What if that is what I enjoy more than being the goody so-many shoes. It is still a choice I can make, isn't it?

Now, isn't that confusing? Ya, what am I going on about? And you're still reading it by the way ;)

I don't know really.... all I know is that right now, I am lost, absolutely lost. I lost my way some day like that, and ever since have been spiraling around, from cloud to cloud, from dream to dream, from night to another night and in between living through the days. I am happy, I am confused, I am angry, I am absolutely blank, and oh I am so so clueless.

Some of my masks say I am an efficient soul, that I manage a lot at once, that I am good, that I am horrible, that I am loving, that I am cruel, that I am forgiving, that I am vicious. Yes I am. I am all of that and 'maybe' more. I am the way I am.

And it's far too late now to change, not that I want to, or will.

So, where was I?

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" -

MJ Debolina Raja

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Are We Turning Our Babies Into Monsters? We Failed You Swapnil Sonawane and Abesh Dasgupta
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Over the past few days, it's really saddened me to read the paper here in India. I have consciously stopped watching news channels for a long time now, the reason, I'm sure, most of us already know, but let me just say, with news hour turning into a free-for-all barbarian show, I just didn't want to go through the same every single day.

Two extremely violent recent incidents, both involving teens, is what prompted me to write this today. I am sure many of you may find it useless, or disturbing, and if so, please click the exit button and move on...I have no problem with that...If you choose to read on, thank you.

The first incident that shook me up was the senseless killing of a 16 year old boy from a simple and well-educated middle class family in Navi Mumbai. The teen had formed a friendship with a teen girl from his class, and the friendship had developed into a relationship. As is prone in teen years, both really liked each others' company and that was pretty much what was happening - they were just special to each other. The problem that apparently led to his killing was the fact that the girl belonged to a higher caste. And this is the year 2016 we are talking about, and in a city in Navi Mumbai, which is considered Mumbai's satellite city and houses some of the best minds here. I can imagine how 50 years from now, when people talk about such incidents in the year 2016, it will make them firm of the view that people living in the year 2016 were indeed backward and barbarian - I do not disagree right now.....

So what happened here was that the girl's family threatened the boy and his family and the parents asked the boy to stop meeting the girl. He was beaten up as well. When the boy's parents went to the police to lodge a complaint, the police officials present in the police station told him to mend his ways, and asked the parents to keep a watch on their son. They went a step further to tell him that now that he dared to continue meeting the girl, he should expect something similar to the phenomenally applauded Marathi movie Sairat, which is about a lower caste boy falling in love with a higher class girl, and how both are killed by the higher caste family as part of an honour killing. The teen boy's parents requested the police for help but were sent back home. The girl's family came to their place, dragged them to the road and started hitting the boy severely. The parents tried to intervene but were assaulted as well. In fact, the attackers started shouting 'chor chor' and passersby actually thought the scared family were thieves, even as the teen lay bleeding profusely. By the time the parents finally managed to take him to a hospital, he was lost to them forever.....

Here's one news piece and here's another news piece.

Sad.....what else do I have left to say here? I can't even say I can imagine the pain they are in... no, I can't, nor can you....

The second incident co-incidentally happened the same week in Calcutta. A young teen boy, Abesh, was part of a group of teens that was enjoying a relaxed party in a parking lot of a posh Calcutta residence. He was 'suddenly' found lying in the parking lot in a pool of blood, even as almost all the other teens suddenly vanished, and only two remained who helped a resident of the building take the boy to the hospital. By then again, it was too late, and the boy was lost to his mother forever (his father, who was part of the police force himself and had also assisted eminent filmmaker Satyajit Ray's son on movie assignments had just passed away this February). Before leaving home, the teen had told his grandma he would be home latest by evening....his mother never heard from him after that day.....

Of course you would guess that since there were about 10-15 teens at the party, someone, at least one teen, would have seen something, or, as we all do these days, recorded something on a smart phone...maybe, maybe not....Or, given the fact that the teen, Abesh, was stabbed multiple times with a sharp glass object (broken beer bottle), and had also walked around in the parking lot after being stabbed (as was evident from the blood trail that was left behind), some resident would have heard some commotion, breaking of glass, hitting, voices fighting, voices trying to break up the fight, someone crying out in pain (can you imagine a teen who is being stabbed multiple times will not cry out in pain?) or someone asking for help.....I am sure some of the girls and maybe some boy(s) in the group may have shouted out in fear at what happened......And even though quite a lot of the apartments apparently have their windows right above the parking area where this happened, it is possible that at least someone heard something....

But no evidence was found.....not surprising....why?

The murdered teen had recently become friends with a girl who was earlier in a relationship with a boy who comes from a very affluent and influential family in Kolkata. Both the teen boys knew each other and were often part of same parties and groups. In fact, some common friends had mentioned earlier how the two boys always were uncomfortable with each other. The influential boy's father had in fact asked the girl's parents to keep her away from the murdered teen, and asked the murdered teen's mother to keep her son away from the girl.....interesting?

Then again, even as the news channels first reported that it was a clear case of murder, the news was abruptly changed and the story was turned to accidental death...Apparently, the teen who died was holding beer bottles under his arm, and he was already drunk, so he tripped and fell, and the bottle broke, and cut all his important arteries and veins, and he lay bleeding there, even as his friends possibly wondered what to do...this is the version that the news channels and police later came up with....

why? What happened that everyone had to suddenly change their version? what happened that the teen from the affluent family and his father both suddenly disappeared? how was it that no friends came out and gave exact details about what really happened? in fact, when Abesh's grandma asked the friends what really happened, not one friend could give her a satisfactory reply...while some said they were on a call, some said they were with other friends hanging around on another side...out of the entire group, everyone claims to be unaware of how Abesh got injured, what happened, and how he bled so much, given the fact that his blood is found in pools and trails at different spots in the parking lot.......

Another chilling reality - while Abesh lay bleeding, and probably on his way to death, some friends decided to leave the spot claiming they had to go and meet some family member urgently. Immediately after, most of the others also quickly left, leaving Abesh lying there in his pool of blood, doing nothing to help.....

I have said before that kids can be cruel......what do you say now?

I have seen the CCTV footage from the parking lot where a teen is seen falling down, but from a simple height which is a little walled structure on the ground floor - and hello, he trips and falls on his back, while most of the injuries are on the front.......

By the way....another angle that the police added was that the teen was already drunk....I'm really sorry, but how is that even a point of discussion here? How is drinking alcohol and murdering someone, or getting murdered, or running away from a friend who is lying dying in his blood related? How does it even come in the picture? Isn't it important to speak to each and every teen present at the scene, talk to all the building helpers such as liftmen, security guards or drivers to find out what happened?

I can understand that the parents of the children who were involved in this entire thing may have asked their kids to stay away, fearing it would traumatise them and affect them negatively. But what about the mother who lost her only son? Can you imagine her pain? I can't. I understand that we, as parents, always try to shield our babies from everything that is not good and want to keep them protected forever. We tell our little ones - CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THE MONSTER WILL GO AWAY...
But for how long? Till what age do we baby our babies? Till when do we shield them from responsibilities that come of growing up? It has to happen at some age, right? What age is that? What do we teach our teens? Hide and stay mum when a mum loses her baby, but you stay mum and stay safe.....that's what we should do, right? wrong...

Wrong wrong wrong....... something is wrong with us, parents...something is really wrong with us.... and it's we, the parents, who are in the wrong, and not the kids...coz it's we, the parents, who are turning our babies into monsters.....yes we are.....unfortunate but true...

- Debolina Raja

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ